Meltdowns - But it was me not the kids today.

I was about to post a terribly long FB status about how I'm ready for a fresh start tomorrow. Then I decided to blog it. When I read our blog books later on I want to remember all the great times as well as the raw moments that I can laugh about later.

Today I had my first irrational melt down of this pregnancy. At our preschool party the kids were cold because I underdressed them and for some reason they were all crabby. We left early so I could at least get Mallie in bed for a morning nap. The other two were playing quietly with the batcave so I decided to call At&t to try get my new phone replaced since it's defective. About 30 minutes into the call I'm shushing my starved older two children and telling them not to yell at eachother. 55 minutes and 8 departments later I am finally told my phone will be replaced but that their computers were down and I should go ahead and call back. I started to cry before I even hung up the phone. Then I hear Hannah crying. I walked into the playroom she looked at me and said "Don't be mad at me." She had pooped in her underwear after two weeks of going in the potty. I took out all of my frustrations on Hannah as I cut off her underwear. Side note: That's how I know I can never cloth diaper I throw away poopy underwear like they're wetwipes. I put her on the toilet in the bathroom and the waterworks continued as I called David. I can't remember ever callling him out of control crying he was so alarmed he told me would try and come home early and that if he didn't have to do a presentation at their clinic meeting he would have come home then. When he got home he later told me that he was sure someone was injured or dead because I never call crying like that.

I hung up the phone and read Cindy's wonderful news that Atticus' tumor had shrunk in half thanks to the treatment. So my tears that started as frustration at at&t then guilty tears for freaking out on Hannah turned into happy tears for Atticus having just a little more healthy time. I wish I could say that I turned it all around and was a perfect mother the rest of the day with a new perspective but I was a total wreck. Especially when I went to get Mallie up from her nap and her poopy diaper had leaked everywhere.

I snuggled with Hannah for a long time trying to make both of us feel better. I think her seeing me crying had more of an affect on her than anything I could have said. She kept telling me to put my tears away and that she wouldn't do it again.

David made it home early and sent me to the commissary by myself. I called my sister on the way and she said something along the lines of it's good to have a day like this once in awhile so you realize that all the other days are better than we even give them credit for. That's the thought that stuck with me... if I had to have a crazy hormonal day where I felt completely out of control I'm glad I can use it as a reminder that these days are the rarity. The rest of the afternoon went much much better. But oh how I loathe being emotionally unstable. I'll be glad to start again tomorrow.